Static

Journal Entry #1

I woke up this morning, like every morning, to the television in the corner. This was nothing new since it has always been there, but today was different.

The TV was playing a newscast of some bombings oversea at full volume and I couldn’t turn it down. For as long as can remember, the TV has been playing, seemingly, whatever it felt like. I know the TV doesn’t have feelings, but for as long as I can remember, the TV has always been on and playing something. I can’t remember a time when it was turned off. I never really cared since it was the only company i’ve ever known. I started a journal in hopes to remember where I’ve been, and hopefully, some idea of where my life is going. Maybe someone else will read this in the future and have some idea of what this is all about, but I must apologize, but writing this in the wall is the only thing I have in this room right now. Just these yellow walls, beige carpet, tiled roof and the TV in the corner. I’m using an antenna from the TV to scratch in these words. I was hoping it might cut the signal and deaden the sound a  bit, it didn’t seem to affect the TV at all.

It’s so loud. I hope it quiets down soon.

I was getting hungry, so I tried to take a nap. When the people on TV get hungry, they always have some food to eat. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten. I just sleep and when I wake up, I feel normal. I can’t sleep with the TV as loud as it is. I’m hoping scratching more into this wall will tire me out, but all it’s really doing is hurting my hand. I don’t know what these walls are made of, but it’s hard to think about with the newscast blaring in my ears. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the explosions they keep showing.

Before I was able to control what I watch. I was able to change the channel and turn it down, but this isn’t the same TV as before. There’s no knobs to turn and no plug to the wall. Maybe I’ll just get used to it. I’ll go lie on the floor and hopefully fall asleep.

Journal Entry #2

I was able to sleep for awhile, but when I woke up, the TV is not alone. There are now two TV’s side-by-side playing at full volume. One is playing the same newscast and the other an old black and white sitcom. I used to love watching those old shows when I was younger, but it’s hard to watch with both drowning each other out. I tried getting close to one to see if I can focus on it long enough to enjoy some of the sitcom, but I still couldn’t hear over the newscast on the other TV. I even tried plugging one ear, but that didn’t help at all. Figured i’d start scratching another entry into this wall.

I’m wondering if sleeping again will help, but I know I won’t be able to with all the noise. Worse yet, I’m afraid another TV will show up. Where are these things coming from? I best not ask that. I’m not sure if I’d like the answer.

I sat to watch the TV’s for awhile. I think I’m getting used to the noise. I was watching some of the newscast for awhile, but I’d look over to the sitcom when I hear the laughs of an off-screen audience. I wonder what jokes I’ve missed. I’m starting to get hungry again. I should try to sleep.

Journal Entry #3

I was right. There is another TV in another corner of the room, but this one has cartoons on it. It’s not so bad even at full volume. The noise is starting to hurt my ears from being so loud, but there’s nothing I can do. Maybe I’ll get used to it too, but I hope that’s the last of it. I don’t think I can handle any more noise. It’s already affecting the way I sleep. I must not have slept well last time since I still feel tired.

These journals were getting harder to write. Since the wall is so hard, the antenna was starting to get dull so I took another one from another TV. Same as before, didn’t hurt reception. I don’t think I can sleep anymore from all the noise. I’ll go watch some cartoons for awhile and maybe that will help.

I watched some cartoons and I think I am getting better at blocking out some of the noise. It’s still difficult with the audience laughs from one TV or a bomb explodes on the other, but I’ve seen the cartoons before, so I know what they’re saying most of the time.

My stomach is grumbling, but I’m trying to ignore it.

Journal Entry #4

I couldn’t help it anymore. I fell asleep in front of the TV with the cartoons and now there’s another one. It’s playing a show with people dancing on it wearing outfits I’ve never seen before, playing music that sounds awful and singing words I can’t understand. Where are these things coming from? Why am I in this room? Why can’t it go back to the way it was with only one TV? I’ll go try watching more cartoons. Maybe that’ll calm me down.

I can’t do it. I can’t focus. The noise hurts my ears too much and it’s even getting hard to focus on scratching these letters into the wall. I wish I could turn one of these TV’s off. Maybe the sitcom. The jokes aren’t funny anymore and the laughing is getting louder. Maybe it’s just me thinking it’s getting louder, but it doesn’t matter. I can’t do anything about it anyways. At least there’s something new to watch.

Journal Entry #5

It’s been several sleeps since I last wrote on the wall. Judging by how many new TV’s there are, it looks like seven sleeps. Now there are eleven TV’s around the room. It used to take three large steps to get to the other side of the room, now it only take a little over two. Luckily these TV’s aren’t very big. The screen is a little bigger than my head and about the same deep. There’s no way I can focus on only one TV and the noise sounds like a mash of words and sounds, all clumped into one. I’m even having a hard time writing these journals. I have to climb on one TV to reach the wall. I’m sure this is the last of the TV’s since there isn’t any more room. As long as it doesn’t get worse, I think I’ll be fine.

Journal Entry #9

I marked this entry as number nine. I don’t remember if that’s the correct number since my other journal entries are buried behind the wall of TV’s that surround me. My hand slipped while trying to carve an entry and stabbed my hand. I’m full of red that makes it much easier to write these. I can now write these entries on the TV’s themselves. No more carving into the walls, so that’s nice. I flinch and a pain shoots through me when I get more red out of me when I want to write more, but it goes away quickly.

I try to tell myself that I’m okay with the noise. I tell myself I’m not hungry and I don’t need to sleep, but there’s no lying about it. The noise is deafening. Like one constant explosion with no end in sight. My stomach aches from the lack of sleep and my hands hurt from the carving the entries that I can barely see through the stacked TV’s. I noticed, if I take too much red out of me, I fall asleep. I think this may be the only way I’ll be able to sleep now.

I don’t think there’s anymore room for more TV’s, so maybe I’ll sleep now. I need it.

Journal Entry

There’s so many TV’s now. So many of them. TV’s stacked on top of each other, piled onto one another on the floor. The sound is… I can’t tell. It’s been so loud for so long it’s just static to me. The TV’s are so bright. It didn’t bother me before, but I couldn’t sleep even if I tried. Faces everywhere… talking… eating…. laughing… crying… I can’t look at just one. They’re blending together. There are no TV’s, just faces in boxes, all talking at once.

I can’t do this anymore. There’s nothing I can do. Sleep won’t even release me. All I have anymore are these goddam journal entries that nobody will ever see. All my life has been unseen.

I’ve learned to walk from the TV. Learned to talk from the TV. Learned to write, dance, laugh and cry from the TV and for what? To die in a room crowded with TV’s? All I’ve even known is the TV. All I’ll ever know is the TV.

Journal Entry

TV’s stacked on each other. I can’t take it. I scream as loud as I can, but I can’t hear it over the TV’s. My eyes hurt from the light. I have to sleep on the TV’s since there is no more floor, just a pile of TV’s.

This my last journal entry. I’m going to drain myself of red and sleep for as long as I can.

Journal Entry

The TV’s have stopped. I woke this time to silence. All the TV’s are still here, but I’m surrounded by blank screens. Stranger still, there’s a door on one of the walls. I’ve never seen a door there. I don’t know what to do. Should I go through it? Should I stay? Now that the room is silent, maybe I should stay.

No. I need to know what’s outside these walls. I may never get another chance. I’m afraid.

I went to the door and turned the knob. The door squeaked as it opened and led to a hallway. Bright red carpets with gray designs down the hall. Dark purple wallpaper tunneled around me and evenly spaced black doors that lined the hall with matching black lamps that protrude out of the wall next to them. At the very end of the hall, a white door.

I had to come back and write this down for whoever might find this so know what I’m seeing, or at the very least, a personal record of my events today. I’m going to the white door. I can’t wait to leave.

Journal

I made it to the door and reached out towards the knob. I see in the silver shining knob the reflection of my own face. I’ve only seen my own face in the reflection of the TV which only lasted a moment between scenes. I realized something. I realized I have only known the TV. My whole life is the TV. Everything beyond this door are things that I have seen before through the TV. The explosions, the drama, the crying, the pain are all things I have witnessed and never felt. I am lucky to have never felt the loss of someone I care about. The mourning and utter sadness of those on the screen. I have never been in danger as those people running from the explosions. I was safe at all times. With even the noise of all those TV’s, I was able to find peace in it. There is nothing out there for me. I have seen what is out there. I know where I belong.

Journal Entry #1

It was strange. All the TV’s that piled the room are gone. Just one TV in the corner plays a show I’ve never seen. It makes me laugh. All my journal entries are gone. All my memories of what had happened are fading, but that’s okay. I don’t need them, because I know that I am safe. The have everything I need.